My New Name

The last couple of years have been a journey and a huge part of that has been a divorce from my husband of 13 years. It’s been hard, exhausting, terrifying, relieving, bittersweet, all the things. Saying it out loud to the world feels scary. We are all meant to hide with the shame of our inability to stay with someone forever. However, that is something the version of me in this chapter of my life isn’t willing to do. So, I’m saying it out loud: I’m divorced.

My ex-husband and I had a chapter together that helped us grow up in some profound ways and brought us our two amazing kiddos. There are things I regret and times I don’t, as I learn to forgive myself for all the choices I made for myself, as a wife, and as a parent. We had almost two decades together being fully human and are now onto a new chapter where we get to do that together in a new form as co-parents but living separately.

In this new chapter of my life, I am focusing on intentionality and purpose. There is a lot of growth I have to do: work for myself, for my kids, and my new partner. I’m intentionally focused on healing, love, laughter, peace, joy, and stillness in order to build a strong foundation for me, my relationship, and our boys so that we can all grow together and flourish in the future.

When I think about all the things I want for this next phase of life, I can’t help but think about the women that came before me. Mother’s Day this year, conjured up some deep feelings of nostalgia for the time I had with my grandmothers, who have now all passed, and growing up with my mom and aunts who all mothered me.

Both my maternal and paternal grandmothers were incredibly fierce women. They both chose divorce in the 80s. They both worked full time and raised kids practically alone, trying to co-parent with men dedicated to finding their worth in their work and not parenting. To say they were admirable is an understatement.

The feeling that I get when thinking about that time for my grandmothers, is mostly power, but I can also sense the pain they must have felt to make it through all of that. My entire family can feel that pain and survival has guided many of the choices the women in my family have made throughout their lives. My mom and aunts all felt their mom’s struggle and strength, and today model that in so many different ways. I feel it too and have been working on healing through what that brought on to our family and trying to harness the power and joy that also came from the beautiful moments we all had together.

That is why in my divorce, I am choosing to take on names from both my paternal and maternal sides of my family. I want a name in this new chapter that encompasses all of who I am. I want a name that wraps around my history and my family’s history and gives me a foundation to stand in for growth through all that history has given me.

Coincidentally, neither of my grandmothers were born with the names I am choosing, because no woman is born with their own name, but both chose to live fully in those names and our family history. When exploring what last name to take, I did also consider taking their maiden names or their middle names or names from other family members in my family tree. But in the end, I decided that changing my last name to both my Dad’s and my Mom’s maiden names allowed me to encompass the family history and all of who I am in this new chapter of my life.

Adopting the last names both my parents were born with, feels like an opportunity to stand in all of who I am. All of who my grandmothers and parents were. It wasn’t all easy and my life has been shaped in so many ways by the struggles they all faced, but it’s all of who I am. I can’t hide from the pain or toughness of growing up. There was also many moments of joy from childhood that I don’t want to forget. I want my new name to have all that, all the pain and all the joy, all the bitter and the sweet. My whole family is part of me. That is why I’m choosing to use both Wozniak and Stortz in this chapter.

From here on forward you can call me Tera Jo Wozniak Stortz.